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A Life Of Love And Balance Blog

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Posted by on in Blog


In the early morning hours, I reflected on the challenges of my life and I realize we all have them.  Life hasn’t picked me out to be hassled (though sometimes I think that). 



Our challenges come in varying degrees, at varying times (sometimes all at once, stacked on top of each other and sometimes one by one), but challenges come to us all.


My challenges and those of the people I work with have shown me how much what I am writing about is needed: women in general need to have more self-care. 



We all work rigorously, intensely, heart-wrenchingly, at times; confused at others, and life seems labor intensive. 


Then we go to our job, business, or career. 


In all my years of doing, I have come to realize the price I have paid is a lack of focus on my own self-care.  So busy trying to prove my worth rather than know my worth and live it. 



My conditioning blinded me to my own value as a soulful human.  I’ve come to see that so much of my doing (though I wouldn’t change most of it, just the fear part) was coming from an internal place of fear and feeling less than.



You know that not good enough stuff we don’t talk about but we feel.  Don’t get me wrong, I still do a lot, who doesn’t. 


What is different is where I’m coming from with my doing.   In slowing down I’ve come to recognize the value I bring to the world and the difference I make. Pausing has helped me complete an entire sentence in my mind and stay focused on what I’m doing longer than a millisecond.


This slowing has also helped me realize self-love is not the selfish act I was taught to believe. Loving the soulful human I am and what I bring to life is a Divine calling and a sacred trust to care for this temple where my soul resides and maintain an open pathway to my Creator. 


In order to maintain that higher connection I must care enough to pause and smell the roses, feel awe in the miracle of being, take care of my physical being. 


As I feel the life flow through my body, I recognize, validate and acknowledge my value if only to myself. In the quiet place of connection with my heart and soul, I know, and God knows.



I’ve learned that soulful moments are found by pausing in everyday things:  As simple as when I look at a cleaned out closet, the pile of papers no longer on my desk because the work is done and they have been filed away.  They represent more than the writing on the paper.  They represent the evidence that I was here and that I helped someone. 


When I am of service to others I am connecting with my Source.


When I play with children in my counseling room; in those fleeting powerful moments through the sparkle in their eyes and their giggles I know we have connected soul-to-soul and they feel seen, heard and understood. 

Or the knowing tears of a client when I reflect what is so real to them but have never had another human being touch that place inside; nor hear someone say their deepest longings out loud.  Their heart resonates with the words that come from my heart and soul as I reflect on what they have shared with me.  When they know that someone gets them, the real them, it is a miraculous moment and Divine connection.



When I pause to watch my wild herd of cats playing on my lawn, where they know they have found sanctuary.  They trust that I will be there for them unconditionally without expectation.  They know there will be nourishment awaiting them daily and a calm voice to sooth their fears.


Times of comforting a friend struggling with life or caring for a sick family member are everyday miracles as I feel into the experience of being with them and take cleanings breaths so I can stay present in their time of need.


Heartfully and calmly communicating with my husband, who of all the people on the planet, I can have the least patience with, and who needs it more than I realize. Sometimes I forgot he is a human soul too.


The miracle of the sunrise with its kaleidoscope of colors and finding joy in breathing in the new day naked and open to possibilities. 



When I find time to feel my body, notice my breath and reconnect with my soul, (tuning into its patient, quiet, knowing voice) in the midst of my distracting day.  


I know there is more to me than the limits of my conditioned beliefs.  I’m gently nudged to focus less on them and more on living from my soulful expression. 



These are many ways I’ve found that soul speaks to me.  I know it does the same with you.  Pausing moments can be very powerful.  Don’t forget them.  They help you connect the dots of living.


I’d like for you all to find and maintain a soulful connection.  We all need to listen and learn and bring this part of who we are and its healing energy into everything we do.  Self-care helps us do that.  While it is important to us it is also important to others, to the work, to the lives we live.  We really need to realize how much what we do and don’t do matters.   


You are the embodiment of a Divine soul.  You are important and you make a difference. 



Thanks for allowing me a pausing opportunity to share from my heart with you. 

Blessings, Deborah

https://www.createspace.com/6558195  Your Antidote for Overwhelm  just released. Also on Kindle at Amazon.com


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Based on conversations with the Dalai Lama and Scientist Paul Eckman who consulted on the movie Inside Out and with the help of his daughter Dr. Eve Eckman the Atlas of Emotions has been created.  It helps us to understand emotions, their purpose, what triggers them and how we can grow in our understanding of ourselves and each other.

Please check it out: http://atlasofemotions.com/


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Posted by on in Self awareness

The lack of self-awareness about the recent findings from science about our emotions continues to surprise me.  When one doesn't consider the impact emotions have on thinking I call that the "irrational rational".    


Lack of understanding the role of emotions in day-to-day living keeps you reacting and misunderstanding yourself and others.  But even more than that, not understanding emotions and giving emotions their due can have a detrimental impact on health and wellness.   


I think this article needs to be read and understood by every human being on the planet.  We need to upgrade our understanding and management of our emotions for our self-care and how we care for others.  


See for yourself:  https://www.heartmath.org/articles-of-the-heart/science-of-the-heart/making-emotions/

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Woman have been indoctrinated to believe they are responsible for the lives and behavior of others. If a child has problems in school, it’s because they have not been a good enough mother. If her husband seeks other women, she hasn’t been a good enough wife. If she has issues at work she isn’t a good enough employee. If she isn’t active in PTA, Church, Community activities she isn’t---- ENOUGH! These outdated beliefs are driving women every into overwhelm and burn out. Women are part of the problem, too, because they continue to struggle to live up to these unrealistic cultural expectations. However, the good news is you are part of your solution. Taking responsibility for someone else’s behavior is denying them the experience of accountability. It also becomes a distraction to you taking responsibility for yourself. In order to find your solutions, you need to reconnect to your intuitive intelligence and disconnect from your human doing. It is time to find your loving, nurturing, and creative self, to balance your overwhelmed one. It is time to find a place beyond survival and hoping for permission you have done enough so you are good enough. To do this you need an inner shift to create an outer one. When you pause with me you will create a foundation of self-care so when you do other-care you will include you so you won’t burn out.
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Posted by on in Self awareness

We pay a high cost of "pushing through" our day to get our to do's done.  The cost? The loss of feeling connected to our own bodies.  Over time, this creates a habit to in-habit the body we live in.  


Living a life of love and balance leads to hearing what you body has been trying to communicate to you for years - "pause, breathe and move from survival to thriving."  


Then you live wide awake, connected to your body, and all the wisdom it has to share.  


And all the fun too.

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Posted by on in Thought for the Day

Project de-clutter and re-arrange that I thought would take me only a couple of hours devolved into a weekend project.   


This isn't the first time I've done this so you would think I would realize my time frames are usually too short.  I'm working on acceptance of this reality so I will be mindful of it in the future so as not to frustrate myself so much.


My experiences with projects have been, first comes the chaos and mess, and later the Ahhh moment after the struggle.  My friend, Lacy called and for a few moments, I whined with her. She says it is the same for her.  After contemplating, we decided that we need to accept the fate of the de-cluttering chaos and go with the flow of it. 


Have a de-cluttering the chaos party.  Maybe then we won't feel so overwhelmed.


Anyone have a de-cluttering story they'd like to share?

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Posted by on in For Women

iStock 000019026722 Resized 300x224Monica sounded frantic. “I yelled at him! I yelled at him! He went running to his room saying he hates me. What have I done? I’ve ruined everything!”

When I hear these words I know that we have come to the difficult struggle to maintain progress.

“Monica, have you forgotten that we talked about this. One day you would probably slip and go back to old behaviors. What happened?”

I heard her breathing slow down. Then a sigh. “Yes I did. But the look on his face made my heart hurt for what I had done.”

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Posted by on in For Women

Deborah Chelette Wilson life coach family counselor Sxchg 1015347 185x300Last month I introduced you to Monica, a single mom who was tired of feeling bad about yelling at her son. She had done a great deal of work

getting information and contemplating making changes, but her efforts had failed miserably. Monica learned that she had jumped into taking action before she was really ready to do so.


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Posted by on in For Women

Deborah Chelette Wilson life coach family counselor Sxchg 3264 296x300"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk to blossom." - Anais Nin

Monica is in her early thirties. Her seven-year marriage had ended the day she wanted to surprise her husband, John, for lunch. She went to his office, and walked in on him and another woman.

Her dream of being a stay-at-home wife and mother ended that day. 


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OkaDeborah Chelette Wilson life coach family counselor Sxchg 92296 300x218y what behavior have you chosen to work through the change cycle?  Or did you?

Did it not get on your "To Do List"?  Did you talk yourself out of any need for change? 

After all its not really you that needs to change is it?  It’s your husband, your children, your mother-in-law, your boss, etc., right?



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Can you believe that January 2015 is about to be history?

How many of you have already broken your New Year’s resolutions?

If you are like me, I have very good intentions of making positive changes in my life.  For years I have valiantly attempted to eat healthier, exercise more, and better organize and declutter my life.

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Posted by on in For Women

Another loop around the sun for us as the end of December sets a boundary for the end of 2014.

I remember having a conversation about what age I would be in 2000. At that time in my young life 2000 seemed so far away. Yet now it is 2014!  Amazing how we can get so caught up and distracted in our daily grind we take little time to pause and reflect on where we have been, where we are, let alone where we really want to go.

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Posted by on in For Women

This month I’m connecting the T and E of Steps and next month the P and S, so that I will deliver on my promise of how to become a soulfull woman in a year. This may seem like a weird title for this time of the year and maybe not?  This is the time of the year we pause to recognize what we are thankful for in our lives. Our ego is not usually one of those things, but I think it is time it has some positive recognition.

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How often have you watched the hoarding and de-cluttering shows and thought, “I need to do something before my life gets that way.” It sounds like a good idea but that’s as far as it goes. Your mind starts giving you valid excuses for not taking action. “I’m too tired after a long day at work.” “The dust isn’t hurting anyone.” “It will wait until I get around to it.” “I don’t have the time.” “Oh, its football season or the new programs are starting. I’ll do it in the spring or the fall (or not at all).”

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I actually had a reaction to thinking about this title. It sounds like it’s something we’d say in “Fantasy Land.” It may seem counterintuitive to even think that responding from a love is something that can be done in our age of chaos, uncertainty and escalating worldwide violent acts.

It isn’t. Responding from love is practical and doable with enough practice. It won’t get you to Nirvana, whatever that may be, but it will get you to taking charge of your life and making choices that empower you to give the best of you to yourself and others. It will shift you from being a reactive puppet to cutting those strings and choosing your own path.

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Last month we talked about focusing on goals. This month builds on those ideas with an emphasis on realizing that unreasonable goals are not sustainable. A case in point was brought to mind about how easy it is to slip into struggling to “make something happen.”

“Rena” is a 62-year-old female client who had been working hard to reach a goal for marketing her company and services on the Internet. She believed she understood what she needed to do and how to do it. She kept pushing, pushing, pushing herself because in her heart of hearts she just knew that what she was doing was going to work.

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Posted by on in For Women

The full-packed busyness of our lives is a challenge to set and reach goals. I don’t need to tell you the multiple distractions as you experience them every day just like I do. A friend of mine and I have many conversations about the challenges we face in staying focused on reaching all the goals we have, while staying soulfull and loving in the process. It’s hard to do that every day – stay focused – and we aren’t always successful.

The definition of a goal can be related to sports as a way to keep score, or it can be an achievement or desired result. That could be like keeping the house clean, looking calm and beautiful, and having your children clean and immaculately dressed while they play quietly when your husband walks in the door.

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Posted by on in For Women

I started out the year with challenging you to slow down and own your life, all of it: the good, the bad and the ugly. Next, I showed you the importance of becoming a belief detective, which allows you to gain an understanding of how your beliefs are formed, how they are self-reinforcing, and how they determine the limits of your box of possibilities.

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Understanding and upgrading your beliefs about yourself

 (YourTango: Once you understand where your beliefs about yourself came from, you determine what's really YOU)

 “To thine own self be true”

Last month, we discussed how the world around us affected our beliefs about ourselves. We heard and saw what culture, society, family, friends, authority figures, and the media had to say about us and we believed it.

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Being a Belief Detective

Self awareness and our internal belief systems

As we continue on our journey to being a S-o-u-l-f-u-l-l Woman, we are practicing slowing down and owning all of our lives. The next step is to U – understand and upgrade your beliefs about yourself.

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Dr. Daniel Seigel :http://www.drdansiegel.com/

Heather Forbes:www.beyondconsequencesinstitute.com

Trauma and Loss Institutehttps://www.starr.org/training/tlc/com

Dr. Peter Levine Institutehttps://traumahealing.org/

ACE’s Study:http://www.acestudy.org/the-ace-score.html

Dr. Bruce Perry The Child Trauma Academy :http://childtrauma.org/

For more information contact Deborah Chelette-Wilson at deborahchelettewilson@gmail.com


Life And Balance Articles

Where Did Our Relatio...

Expert Author Deborah Chelette-Wilson

Once upon a time we lived and breathed to be in the presence of the other. Passion ignited our intense motivation to fly through the day to get to see each other. On weightless feet I would move through my day yearning for you to drink me up in the depths of your blue eyes. They were my ocean, calm and safe where I could float in peace and tranquility.&n...

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Living Up To What Mom...

Expert Author Deborah Chelette-Wilson

"Change is a part of life. You have to take the good with the bad and go on," Momma said. What she did not say is that when life's changes crash in on you, it isn't so easy.

Change can be so intense it shatters your world. You end up feeling helpless, hopeless and powerless. You just can't "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" and go on. Hot tears...

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What Are Children Rea...

Expert Author Deborah Chelette-Wilson

During a recent session with an eight-year-old client it became clear that how a child understands of what adults say is not always what we intend.

We were talking about the decision of her parents and physician to try some medication to help her with her hyperactivity and focusing. According to the family, there was a significant shift in her behavior and attention span after ...

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Prevent Child Abuse, ...

Expert Author Deborah Chelette-Wilson

It is a time to reflect and take action to prevent child abuse, an ever-growing issue impacting our society. The 2011 publication Child Maltreatment reported in the 50 states, the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico, approximately 676,596 children experienced child abuse and another 1,545 children died as a result of neglect or abuse. In the State of Te...

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Maintenance: What Happens When I Slip?
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Monica sounded frantic. “I yelled at him! I yelled at him! He went running to his room saying he hates me. What have I done? I’ve ruined everything!” When I hear these words I know that we have come ...
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Another loop around the sun for us as the end of December sets a boundary for the end of 2014. I remember having a conversation about what age I would be in 2000. At that time in my young life 2000 s...
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