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Sanctuary Found book: running from her past Kat settles into a small rural town hoping for a better life.  But, by the wooded lake the demon voices return.  Meanwhile, the quiet peaceful town is rocked by a murder.  While Kat struggles to survive the demon voices the townsfolk struggle with who could have killed Miss Lucy the favorite reading teacher.  Surely the two are not connected; or are they? BUY BOOK

A Life Of Love And Balance Blog


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In the early morning hours, I reflected on the challenges of my life and I realize we all have them.  Life hasn’t picked me out to be hassled (though sometimes I think that). 



Our challenges come in varying degrees, at varying times (sometimes all at once, stacked on top of each other and sometimes one by one), but challenges come to us all.


My challenges and those of the people I work with have shown me how much what I am writing about is needed: women in general need to have more self-care. 



We all work rigorously, intensely, heart-wrenchingly, at times; confused at others, and life seems labor intensive. 


Then we go to our job, business, or career. 


In all my years of doing, I have come to realize the price I have paid is a lack of focus on my own self-care.  So busy trying to prove my worth rather than know my worth and live it. 



My conditioning blinded me to my own value as a soulful human.  I’ve come to see that so much of my doing (though I wouldn’t change most of it, just the fear part) was coming from an internal place of fear and feeling less than.



You know that not good enough stuff we don’t talk about but we feel.  Don’t get me wrong, I still do a lot, who doesn’t. 


What is different is where I’m coming from with my doing.   In slowing down I’ve come to recognize the value I bring to the world and the difference I make. Pausing has helped me complete an entire sentence in my mind and stay focused on what I’m doing longer than a millisecond.


This slowing has also helped me realize self-love is not the selfish act I was taught to believe. Loving the soulful human I am and what I bring to life is a Divine calling and a sacred trust to care for this temple where my soul resides and maintain an open pathway to my Creator. 


In order to maintain that higher connection I must care enough to pause and smell the roses, feel awe in the miracle of being, take care of my physical being. 


As I feel the life flow through my body, I recognize, validate and acknowledge my value if only to myself. In the quiet place of connection with my heart and soul, I know, and God knows.



I’ve learned that soulful moments are found by pausing in everyday things:  As simple as when I look at a cleaned out closet, the pile of papers no longer on my desk because the work is done and they have been filed away.  They represent more than the writing on the paper.  They represent the evidence that I was here and that I helped someone. 


When I am of service to others I am connecting with my Source.


When I play with children in my counseling room; in those fleeting powerful moments through the sparkle in their eyes and their giggles I know we have connected soul-to-soul and they feel seen, heard and understood. 

Or the knowing tears of a client when I reflect what is so real to them but have never had another human being touch that place inside; nor hear someone say their deepest longings out loud.  Their heart resonates with the words that come from my heart and soul as I reflect on what they have shared with me.  When they know that someone gets them, the real them, it is a miraculous moment and Divine connection.



When I pause to watch my wild herd of cats playing on my lawn, where they know they have found sanctuary.  They trust that I will be there for them unconditionally without expectation.  They know there will be nourishment awaiting them daily and a calm voice to sooth their fears.


Times of comforting a friend struggling with life or caring for a sick family member are everyday miracles as I feel into the experience of being with them and take cleanings breaths so I can stay present in their time of need.


Heartfully and calmly communicating with my husband, who of all the people on the planet, I can have the least patience with, and who needs it more than I realize. Sometimes I forgot he is a human soul too.


The miracle of the sunrise with its kaleidoscope of colors and finding joy in breathing in the new day naked and open to possibilities. 



When I find time to feel my body, notice my breath and reconnect with my soul, (tuning into its patient, quiet, knowing voice) in the midst of my distracting day.  


I know there is more to me than the limits of my conditioned beliefs.  I’m gently nudged to focus less on them and more on living from my soulful expression. 



These are many ways I’ve found that soul speaks to me.  I know it does the same with you.  Pausing moments can be very powerful.  Don’t forget them.  They help you connect the dots of living.


I’d like for you all to find and maintain a soulful connection.  We all need to listen and learn and bring this part of who we are and its healing energy into everything we do.  Self-care helps us do that.  While it is important to us it is also important to others, to the work, to the lives we live.  We really need to realize how much what we do and don’t do matters.   


You are the embodiment of a Divine soul.  You are important and you make a difference. 



Thanks for allowing me a pausing opportunity to share from my heart with you. 

Blessings, Deborah

https://www.createspace.com/6558195  Your Antidote for Overwhelm  just released. Also on Kindle at Amazon.com


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I've been following this group since last year.  What they have to share calls us to respond rather than react to the fears that get triggered in our personal lives as well as what is happening in the world.  As we have shared with each other,  life's events distract us from our soul's wisdom and invite us into fear.  In the energetic field of fear we lose sight of the new humanity awaiting to be born.  It is time for us to evolve.  Life as the status quo is no longer sustainable. Like in the birthing process we need to breath through the pain focused on the new life being birthed.  It leads us past pain and fear into joy and unconditional love for this new life we hold in our arms.  This new life is fragile, sensitive and needing our undivided attention, love and care.  We need to do this within ourselves.  By birthing a more embodied soulfulness we take new actions from an integration of mindbodysoul.  To find out more listen to James O'Dea who shares how we can become peacemakers within our lives, families, communities and the world.  Our actions great or small do make a difference.


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It is interesting how one can use words but never realize their meaning. Having just celebrated our Independence Day, I wondered about the word independence. What does it really mean? I’ve been told all my life that I’m “independent.” It seemed like the context of it was helpful when I was a child because I wanted to be able to do things for myself. Our first experiences of our ability to master our environment, begins when we can say, “Mommy I do peeped all by myself,” then run to show what we did and where we did it. Later, we move on to things beyond basic bodily functions to ‘I can dress myself, ride a bike without the training wheels,’ and so on. But does this really make us “independent”?

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On March 23, 2012, my husband and I saw the movie “Hunger Games.” It is so many stories in one. It spoke to my husband and me, surprisingly on a deeply emotional level. The basic story is about a future time when due to drought, famine and war, the United States has been replaced by the Capitol called Panem and 12 districts.  In order to remind the districts of the uprising that lead to the wars, each district through a lottery system sends a boy and a girl to fight to the death in the Hunger Games. These games become a brutal entertaining event projected through their media on full screens to all districts. The 24 competitors forced to fight to the death, as punishment for past deed. Only one can be victorious.

These children between the ages of twelve and eighteen become caught-up in a life and death struggle orchestrated by a group of Capitol personnel overseeing the games, who change the rules by adding fire or wild beasts, when they do not like how the players are doing. This same scenario is played out every day and reflected in the lives of the families I counsel.

With deep sadness, I witness children of all ages wailing for love and understanding from their parents who stay stuck in emotional distance and rigid thinking. “My way or the highway” seems to be too many parents' mantra, forcing their children into a conflict between normal developmental needs and needs for their parents' approval, guidance and loving felt presence: Growing vs. survival.

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I am not responsible for what others have done to hurt me or what they did not do for me that I needed.

I am response-able to choose how I let those experiences define me and what is possible for my life.

I choose to rise from the ashes of my pain and forge my own pathways from experiences wisdom.

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Dr. Daniel Seigel :http://www.drdansiegel.com/

Heather Forbes:www.beyondconsequencesinstitute.com

Trauma and Loss Institutehttps://www.starr.org/training/tlc/com

Dr. Peter Levine Institutehttps://traumahealing.org/

ACE’s Study:http://www.acestudy.org/the-ace-score.html

Dr. Bruce Perry The Child Trauma Academy :http://childtrauma.org/

For more information contact Deborah Chelette-Wilson at deborahchelettewilson@gmail.com


Life And Balance Articles

Keeping Negative Thou...

Expert Author Deborah Chelette-Wilson

All of us experience negative thoughts. They creep in when we are afraid that something won't or will happen. They are distracting. They bring doubt and lack of self-confidence to our busy hurrying days. They trigger frustration and irritation that we then share with others. Where do they come from? What can be done about them? Are we doomed?


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The Cloak of Shame

Expert Author Deborah Chelette-Wilson

I've only recently come to realize how much the impact of shame has had in my life. I realize that shame and guilt are different. Guilt can be good because it lets me know when I have harmed another and is a reflection of my behavior that needs to change. Shame however, is feeling bad about who I am not what I've done. The important adults in my life did...

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The Hummingbird and t...

Expert Author Deborah Chelette-Wilson

A client brought a tightly woven ball of twine to show me how she felt. She pointed to a place inside the ball and stated I'm right there and if I don't' get out soon I'm going to die. I shared with her about how our defenses, triggered from our survival response system, can turn in on themselves. What once protected now becomes a prison. We unconsciously keep reacting the same way expect...

Spanking's Effects on...

Expert Author Deborah Chelette-Wilson

Spanking and lying

Using spanking as a punishment leads to the repetition, escalation, or alteration of problematic behaviors. The child becomes accustomed to spankings, but is afraid and confused about what the adult is trying to teach about their behavior.

Why do children lie? To avoid punishment. They do this even when they have gotten in trouble ...

Read More

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