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A Life Of Love And Balance Blog

Is There A Science and Art To Making Lasting Changes or Have We Been Kidding Ourselves?

Posted by on in For Women
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Can you believe that January 2015 is about to be history?

How many of you have already broken your New Year’s resolutions?

If you are like me, I have very good intentions of making positive changes in my life.  For years I have valiantly attempted to eat healthier, exercise more, and better organize and declutter my life.


Yet I continue to fall short of maintaining those goals. I seem to get stressed out or distracted.

By the time I’m focused again, I have forgotten where I was at on a project, and have to start over again. Of course, like you, I get into negative self-judgments and critical self-talk because I wonder why I can’t make my changes stick.

That is until recently. I found the secret about why it is difficult to change, what one can do about it, and how I can not only stop beating myself up, but also have more self-care and make changes for good.

This is the information that I am excited to share with you over the next few newsletters.

We have been taught that if we don’t change something it is because we don’t really want to, but I don’t find that to be true. In my work I find people are sometimes desperate to change, but something seems to get in their way.  I don’t believe they are not motivated or are lacking will power.  But what is stopping them, and me, and you from making the changes we want?

Suppose it is as simple, but not necessarily as easy, as knowing the process and steps of change?  What if all you need is a model of how to change?  What if this model had showed you what stage of change you were in?  And what if each stage had different things you needed to do to go to the next step to making that change happen?  What if these steps could help you determine if you were really ready to make a change, or if you needed to take other steps to prepare for the change to ensure that it would stick?

It is difficult to connect to your soulfull self if you are struggling in survival mode and frustrated with not getting to where you want to go.  The upcoming newsletters are not only going to show you the first hurdle in your struggles, but also what to do to calm your overactive survival voice, allowing you to hear the voice of your soul.  One way to distinguish between the two voices is your soul’s voice is caring, compassionate, encouraging, realistic, and kind.  If you hear anything else then that is your survival voice, on steroids.

In a nutshell, the Stages of Change* are:

1. Pre-contemplation

2. Contemplation

3. Preparation

4. Action

5. Maintenance

6. Termination

Each stage may not necessarily lead to the next, and sometimes you can get stuck in a stage (I am speaking from experience).  Each stage has useful processes to help you move through them more quickly, efficiently, and with less pain.  This information can help you gain mastery over your process of change and help you accomplish that goal you have been struggling with for years.

Begin to think about what behavior you would like to change. You can use that as I walk you through the Cycle of Change each month.

*Information comes from the book Changing for Good:  A Revolutionary Six-Stage Program For Overcoming Bad Habits And Moving Your Life Positvely Forward by James O. Prochaska, PH.D, John C. Norcross, PH.D, and Carlo C. Diclemente, PH.D published in 1994.  It can be purchased at:  www.amazon.com

Next Month: Pre-contemplation – I’m okay no one else is.

Soulfull Woman Deborah Chelette-Wilson is a Licensed Professional Counselor, speaker and life coach who has helped many women find that elusive “something missing” in their lives. We are often pulled in so many directions, that it’s difficult to know how to put ourselves on our own To Do list. Contact Deborah to find out about her free 15-minute coaching session to help you find a more stress-free and soulfull You



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Guest Friday, 20 July 2018



Dr. Daniel Seigel :http://www.drdansiegel.com/

Heather Forbes:www.beyondconsequencesinstitute.com

Trauma and Loss Institutehttps://www.starr.org/training/tlc/com

Dr. Peter Levine Institutehttps://traumahealing.org/

ACE’s Study:http://www.acestudy.org/the-ace-score.html

Dr. Bruce Perry The Child Trauma Academy :http://childtrauma.org/

For more information contact Deborah Chelette-Wilson at deborahchelettewilson@gmail.com


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