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Parents' symbols for their children are from basic food and shelter, to (designer) clothes, television in their room, a computer, an Xbox, cell phone, or whatever the new "thing of the day " is called. These depend on the financial status of parents or how much they are willing to go into debt to give their children what they didn't get.

Symbols are important to a point, but the real value of a symbol is how a person feels when he/she is giving it. It is the felt sense through our neurophysiology that gives real value to the symbol or not. What lingers after the candy has been eaten, the cards read, the necklace can't be found, and the flowers have wilted?

Children may not always get the above mentioned items, but if they get genuine hugs, a caring adult to listen to them, and a place to feel safe - these "gifts" are priceless.

What needs to linger is two souls connecting and expressing unconditional love. That love is the only love that endures through all things.

As women, the greatest gift we can give our children, partners, community, and the world, is the gift of our calm loving presence. That is why self-care is so important. The dictionary doesn't mention anything about having feelings of tenderness, attachment, or caring for ourselves. Yet that is where it all begins. How we care for ourselves, will determine what we can unconditionally do for others.

Every day we need to take time to pause, reflect on what love really is, and ask ourselves "Are we living love as a verb, first with ourselves and then with others. To honor someone else's heart, we must first honor our own.

Deborah Chelette-Wilson is a relationship coach, authoress and speaker whose powerful message for women is "It's time to stop waiting for permission to be all that we can be(without being a bitch about it)." Her inspiring message helps women harness their personal power, find peace within and become part of the shift in creating healthier and more loving relationships, beginning with the one with their self. In order to honor someone else's heart you must first honor your own.

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